Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Elves and Lingerie

When your humble host started this blog four months ago, he did not realize how many visits the blog would receive by virtue of people searching for information about “elf sex” or “elf rape” or any of a number of phrases that refer to carnal knowledge of elves.  In the spirit of giving people what they want, your humble host hereby provides a retrospective of a low point of our hobby.

On this date five years ago, Robert Boyd, resident of Northern Ireland, was convicted of armed robbery.  The actual incident occurred in 2005; he stole £250 worth of merchandise from a lingerie store.  Boyd offered a host of mitigating factors for his criminal act:  occupational and marital pressures, depression, and sexual abuse as a teenager.  He also said that he “may” have blurred reality and fantasy because of his participation in a role-playing game.  You see, he’s not certain if he blurred reality and fantasy because he (allegedly) does not recall the events.

The ‘events’ at issue include Boyd threatening the store clerk at knifepoint after his attempts at haggling did not prove successful.  (The clerk was not physically harmed.)  Boyd was ‘disguised’ with the following accessories:  a blond wig, a beanie hat, and glasses.  Boyd contends that, at the time of the crime, he “may” have been portraying the role of his Shadowrun1 character, a female criminal elf shaman named Buho.  Despite his (supposed) lack of memory, Boyd professes that he “didn’t mean [for] it to happen.”

Boyd’s lawyer states Boyd was carrying £400 when he went to the lingerie store to purchase a present for his wife and thus he had no financial motivation.  (He may have been carrying £400, but he was also carrying a knife and wearing a disguise; not exactly hallmarks of innocence.)  His lawyer also said:

It's much more likely on the basis of medical evidence2 that his motivation came from some twisted thoughts in the darker recess of his mind, perhaps because of his involvement in the role-playing Shadowrun game.

Granted, the lawyer is trying to help his client any way he can (and, granted, it is Shadowrun), but invoking the bugaboo of insidious role-playing games is so twentieth century.  Why not blame sunspot activity?  Or Twinkies?  Anything to avoid the crushing onus of personal responsibility.  The sad thing is that two of the twelve jurors bought into it (elf-huggers, no doubt).

The judge (who happened to be named Lynch) sentenced Boyd to two years in prison and an additional two years of probation.  In a vain attempt to exhort leniency for his client, Boyd’s lawyer stated that Boyd had become a "figure of ridicule whose life was in tatters."  (Isn’t that usually the case for Shadowrun players?)

1  There is no indication of which edition he was using.

2  The ‘medical evidence’ being the testimony of the defense defence psychiatrist, which was refuted by the testimony of the prosecution psychiatrist. 


  1. " . . . Boyd’s lawyer stated that Boyd had become a "figure of ridicule whose life was in tatters." (Isn’t that usually the case for Shadowrun players?)"


  2. In cases like this the jury should be required to play the game in question just so they're not completely ignorant.