Killing Hitler

(SPOILERS)

Time Warp #1; 2013, DC Comics; Art by Ian Culbard

If anyone deserves an abbreviated lifespan, it's the “Greatest Fascist Dictator.”  Widely reviled as one of the most evil people in history, Hitler is often the subject of time travel hypotheses.  Remove him and prevent the horrendous volume of murder and misery he caused – so logic would suggest.  Of course, killing him after he perpetrated his evil would defeat the purpose.  Killing him beforehand isn't exactly fair and brings into question free will and predetermination.  Also, there's a paradox to worry about.  If Hitler is removed, then there's no motivation to go back in time to remove Hitler; therefore, Hitler isn't removed.

Anyway, with Hitler out of the way, we can't be certain how history would have changed.  Would there still be atrocities?  Would they be as extensive?  One argument against killing Hitler is that the alternative would be Something Worse; that we live in the best of all possible worlds.  Having endured his evil, perhaps we – as a civilization – have learned to be more tolerant.  Perhaps if Hitler didn't exist, we would be forced to invent him.

The third 'adventure' for Timeship is the most detailed of the three 'Time Capsules' included with the game.  “This is one of the most complex and difficult Capsules,” author Herbie Brennan writes.  It is a TASK Capsule and according to the Capsule, “It is the task of the Group to reach Hitler in those fearful, final days of April 1945 and ensure his death by assassination.”  Unless and until they kill Hitler, the Voyagers cannot return to their present.  By this time, Hitler has perpetrated his evil, so there seems little sense in disposing of him.  However, Brennan suggests that...

...the Fuhrer made good his escape, travelling secretly through Spain before sailing to South America, there to lay the foundations of a Fourth Reich destined to grow in secret for several generations before making its bid for world domination.

The back of the box posits a slightly different scenario:

On June 7th, 1956, World War Three began when the Nazi government of Argentina, led by Adolph [sic] Hitler, invaded Brazil.  Hitler had escaped capture at the end of World War II and begun the Fourth Reich in South America.  It is now April 30th, 1945 and you are stalking Hitler through the bunkers beneath a city in flames.  Your mission:  find him, then make it look like suicide.

Not only is the threat more immediate, but the party must make Hitler's death “look like suicide,” probably to maintain history as we know it.

Normally, Voyagers enter a Time Capsule through a Gateway that shows the destination.  However,

...times of war produce great stresses on the timestream.  Thus the Gateway is unstable.  Inform your Group there can be no absolute guarantee of their arrival.

Brennan uses the 'unstable' Gateway gimmick to subject the Voyagers to a montage of historical scenes:  the '36 Olympics, Neville Chamberlain's “peace in our time” speech, and the Nuremberg Rally.  This sequence takes up nearly a page.  Afterwards, the Voyagers do not appear at Hitler's bunker, instead they find themselves “materialized in Zone Red” (or Red Zone as it is referred to also).  The Red Zone is a ring area 3.7 km to 7.7 km from the bunker.  (These distances are an estimation since the provided sketch map has no scale.)  Exactly where in the Red Zone is at the discretion of the Timelord.  Within the Red Zone, there is the Orange Zone, then the Yellow Zone, and finally the Green Zone, the center of which is the bunker.  The Red Zone represents the area with most the most intense “Allied shelling and bombing” with interior zones subject to lesser and lesser activity.

In essence, the Voyagers must find the bunker, enter it, kill Hitler, and then find the EXIT.  If the back of the box is to be believed, the death must seem to be a suicide.  The Voyagers are left to their own devices to accomplish these goals.  Attempting to reach Hitler through violent means is not likely to be successful; subterfuge is necessary.  Even if the Voyagers manage to get close to Hitler and kill him, they must escape retribution long enough to get to the EXIT, the presence of which won't be known until after Hitler dies.  Making his death seem to be a suicide is a practical impossibility.  The 'Publisher's Note' concludes “that this Capsule will, if carefully handled, provide a Voyager group with an experience of exceptional interest and challenge.”  Realistically, there would be a time limit imposed in this Capsule; however, nothing of the sort of is mentioned.

Brennan includes an impressive amount of information with the Capsule, such as a description of documents German nationals were required to carry at the time.  Several personages are described including Martin Bormann, Hans Krebs, and Hanna Reitch.  However, with regard to game terms, Brennan provides only THN for the appropriate weapon, SPEED FACTOR, and damage capacity.

When Is a Role Playing Game Not a Role Playing Game?

Image from BoardGameGeek

An established RPG publisher with a proven capability for adapting licensed properties obtains the RPG rights for a popular toy-line/TV cartoon.  What could possibly go wrong?

...

I can only speculate as to the reasons, but with The Masters of the Universe Role Playing Game (hereinafter MOTU RPG) published by FASA in 1985, I can emphatically state that things went wrong; very, very wrong.  The person ultimately responsible for allowing the game to be sold in its final form ought to be removed from gene pool and forced to plant saplings for the rest of his life in partial atonement for all of the trees killed for this thing's manufacture.  Toilet paper would have been a far more worthwhile product for all of that wood pulp.

But hey, I can't complain!  I can squeeze a few a posts out of this atrocity!

The cherished reader will kindly note that the MOTU RPG link above goes to BoardGameGeek and not RPGGeek.  The worthies associated with those sites have deemed this product to be a board game, not a role playing game.  Their logic is valid; MOTU RPG has no rules for character generation and allows for only one playable scenario.  Nonetheless, I will treat it as a role playing game because that is how the game identifies itself.  Of course, even as a board game, this thing is a travesty...a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.

Here's what I think happened.  It's only supposition, but it's the only version of events that permits me to believe that human beings – while fallible – are not inherently evil and the universe is not a cold, dismal place of unceasing despair.  Anyway, FASA gets the rights to publish a Masters of the Universe RPG, but it needs to be introductory – and therefore simple – because the age requirement will be “8 and up.”  A full-fledged RPG suitable for 8-year-olds is a tall order, but they had the idea of putting out a simple game, one the kids can grasp, then follow up by publishing an 'advanced' version that addresses everything a 'real' RPG needs to address.  Hey, it worked for other RPGs.  I think they then had trouble making the game simple enough and – with deadlines and whatnot – a less than ideal set of rules was inflicted upon purchasers of the game.

Included with the box was a card with the title “OOPS!”  It read:

We goofed on the magic spells. When you read over the Character Record Cards, you will find that there are spells listed that do not appear on the Magic Spells Table. These spells are for an advanced version of the Masters Of the Universe Game and are not used in this game.

The Masters Of The Universe Advanced Role-Playing Game should be released in the fall of 1986. To make sure you are informed of the release of this game, just fill out the form below and send it to us. You will receive a catalog of FASA products now, and when the advanced game is ready, a letter informing you it is available.

Not surprisingly, the “advanced version” never saw the light of day, and the world is left with a sad mess of rules for MOTU RPG.  Compounding matters was that the rulebook is presented in a comic book format illustrated by the professionals at First Comics.  Now, in and of itself, game-rules-as-comic-book is a good idea, or at least can be.  However, making layout alterations to accommodate eleventh hour rule changes is difficult enough normally, but when when the layout is a comic book page, a last minute rule change is downright impractical.  It is thus that we are left with the likes of the following:

...My Friend Player...

I guess the rules for 'illusion dust' were too complicated, so they used a panel to indicate that one of the game tokens is extraneous.

Alas, some transgressions are unforgivable.  Please, PLEASE, just say no to ALL CAPS.

WTF? ...should be maded?

I guess the Gods of Eternia removed the proofreader.

YES, MUCH OF THE TEXT OUTSIDE OF THE ILLUSTRATED PAGES IS IN CAPITAL LETTERS EXCLUSIVELY.  MAYBE IT WOULD NOT BE SO BAD IF THERE WERE OCCASIONAL PARAGRAPH BREAKS, BUT THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT.  THIS GIVES ME A HEADACHE.

Use a question mark when you say that son.

In the comic book, the Sorceress summons 'the player' and He-Man explains the rules (such as they are).  'The player' is meant to be a reader identification character representing the target demographic.  Apparently, the target demographic is extremely androgynous youth.

Can this kid be any more effete?

Seriously, what were they trying to accomplish?  Did they use an epicene cipher so as not to alienate girls who might want to play a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe game?  Really?  All they managed to do was alienate people who don't wear eye-liner, or they would have if the game was worth a damn.